3 Ways to Stop Power Struggles with Your Kids Today

If you’re a parent, you’ve more than likely engaged in a power struggle with your kids, I know I’ve had my fair share. Whether it’s arguing about getting our kids out the door in the morning or fighting over their devices, there always seems to be something. Why does it feel so hard to get our kids to comply without a battle?

They lack critical executive functioning skills. Executive functioning mostly occurs in the prefrontal cortex of the brain and assists in skills like time management, impulse control, initialization and prioritization of tasks, and self-monitoring (the ability to regulate emotions and behaviors in social environments). Building these skills takes time, patience, and a lot of assistance, so your expectations of them might be unrealistic. Kids do better when they can, and if they are not following through, this might be why.

Keeping this in mind, here are 3 ways to stop power struggles with your kids today: 

1.Stop negotiating and stay consistent with your rules and boundaries. Expect and embrace the pushback as healthy and reinforce that while they don’t have to like your request, this is the expectation. This looks like “I hear you don’t want to put your toys away, but one of our house rules is to clean up. As soon as you get done, we can go to the park! Would you like my help?” Kids get overwhelmed easily and helping them will model cooperation and help get the job done.

2. Stop expecting your kids to follow through without assistance (this includes teens). If you have to ask more than 2 times for your child to do something, then they need your help. For a seven-year-old, this might look like turning off their game, while reinforcing that you know it’s hard because games are fun. For your 15-year-old, it might be taking their devices away at bedtime if they’ve shown you they cannot comply with your curfew.

3. You need more connection. This is by far the most important of the 3. If you’re struggling and constantly battling your child, they are less likely to trust your leadership and guidance and instead, they’ll see you as their adversary. Even 10-15 minutes of dedicated time per day can make a huge difference. A walk with your teen or a game with your elementary-aged child are good places to start.

Kids need sturdy leadership as well as the practice of pushing against rules and boundaries.  If you find yourself constantly in power struggles with your kiddo, let’s connect! We will build effective strategies to drastically reduce them and find more peace and joy at home.

Note: This article is also featured in the May 2024 edition of Lake Tapps Living and Bonney Lake Neighbors Magazines