Car Crashes and Coaching

I still remember it, sitting in the back of an ambulance getting my leg checked; having just been in a car accident. I was 17 and I was terrified. I had been with 2 friends and the driver lost control of the car, we spun off the road and wrapped ourselves partially around a light post. The side of the car I was sitting on (behind the driver) collapsed inward, on my leg. I needed medical attention, but I was too scared to accept it. I was a minor and that meant a call home.

When I think about that experience now, as a parent myself, my heart breaks for 17-year-old me. I lacked the emotional safety in my home that I so desperately needed. Instinctively, I didn’t want to run toward my parents after a major accident, because I knew from past experiences that comfort or support wasn’t what I was going to get. This is one of many experiences I had growing up where I turned away from my parents, went inward, and processed things on my own, rather than risking a vulnerability that would not be met with compassion, understanding, and empathy.

By the time of this accident, I had pulled even further away and isolated myself as much as I could, minimizing my contact with my parents as much as possible. Then, when my stepdad got a job across the country just after my 18th birthday, I chose to stay put, get a full-time job, and take care of myself. It was my way out, my salvation from the emotional tumult that I experienced at home. As I got older and sought counseling, I realized that I never felt understood in my home and I never felt seen which is why I pulled away and was so scared to share things, whether big or small, with them.

This realization was amplified when I had my child, and I started to struggle with his big reactions and emotions as a toddler, noticing how triggered I got and how frustrated I was that I couldn’t control him or get him to do what I wanted him to do, using the way I was parented as my only guide. I realized I was repeating the same pattern of not trying to understand his world, and only seeing mine.

When I think about why I’m a coach, I think about these experiences often. The best gift we can give to our children is to do the hard work of working through our own experiences and traumas so we can separate our triggers from what is happening for our kids, and what is going on in their inner world.

I consider coaching to be a roadmap that helps parents along the way, gathering insights and awareness as well as helpful tools they need to navigate their journeys through parenthood. My hope when working with parents is that I guide them toward more emotional awareness of themselves so they can be better equipped to handle the inevitable challenges that come with raising tiny humans.

With love, Jamie – The (Repair)ent Coach