Mornings and Bedtimes: What gives? (3 Tips)

School is either already back in session for you or will be in the coming weeks. Two of the biggest challenges are the battles around leaving the house each morning and getting the kids to bed each night. You may have even noticed an uptick in challenging behaviors from your kids during morning and nighttime routines since school has started.

The common thread during these times is separation from the parents. This seemingly uncooperative behavior stems from the deep-rooted sense of unease that most children experience from separation.  Kids cannot yet express their feelings verbally, so they try and do everything they can to delay their separation. Attachment to the parent is natural and healthy. It helps children shape how they connect with others and molds their sense of relational safety to the outside world. In the early years of their development (before adolescence) they have a natural dislike of being away from their primary attachment figure (the parent). What can we do to help this process go smoother for everyone?

1.      Acknowledge their feelings. Children’s ability to see logic and reasoning only begins to develop around the age of 7 for most kids. This means that when we logically explain to them “it’s fine! You’ll see Mommy in the morning.” Or “But if you don’t put your shoes on NOW, you’ll miss the bus,” they aren’t automatically rolling over to sleep or rushing to put their shoes on. Instead, connect to their emotions first. “I was thinking that at bedtime, Mommy won’t see you for a long time! And that makes Mommy sad! Does it make you sad?” Let them express themselves if they can.

2.      Appeal to their need for play. “let’s bear crawl over to the cubby and get our shoes on for the bus!” Children learn best through play, so why not leverage that as a way to meet our need for timeliness as well? It’s so much less stressful than “get your shoes on NOW!” for both of you. Make certain tasks associated with separating from you more fun, and they’ll naturally be less anxious and more cooperative. Involve them in tasks where they are capable in a fun way.

3.      Plan and Routines. Planning can go a long way to reducing stress and anxiety for everyone. Look for ways to prepare ahead of time. Tasks like packing lunches and getting clothes picked out at night can help the morning go smoother while having a stable bedtime routine will help ease anxiety and overall stress in the evenings. Creating routines if you don’t have them is vital. Children thrive on routine and predictability.

Note: this article will be featured in Lake Tapps Living and Bonney Lake Neighbors for their September editions.