3 Reasons Why Kids Need to Question Our Rules

Challenging rules is healthy and a critical part of a child’s development. Many of us were raised in a “children should be seen and not heard” environment, and I believe these parents were doing their best with the tools and information they had at the time. As we learn more about the brain, how it develops and its impact on our development, sense of self, and emotional skills, we should evolve

.  Although I may discuss relatively new parenting concepts, I don't intend to criticize or belittle past generations. I believe that most parents are good and have good intentions. It is also just as important to acknowledge that progress is good and doesn’t have to feel threatening or dismissive, it simply “is” and what a wonderful opportunity for us to do better for the next generation. As I often say, two things can be true. Our parents did their best, and we have an opportunity with each generation to do just a little bit better. I want to acknowledge that when we know better, we do better.

Here are three reasons why we should encourage our children to question our rules and push back on their parents:

1)      It encourages a child’s natural sense of curiosity. Part of how children come to learn and understand the world around them is through asking questions and yes, challenging our rules. This isn’t a form of defiance but is simply part of the human condition. Reframing a child’s pushback as curiosity can be a powerful way to help keep yourself from being triggered when it happens.

2)      It encourages critical thinking skills. A world of obedient, quiet, compliant children who then go on to think for themselves, problem-solve, and are self-reliant doesn’t exist, because for the latter to occur, children have to be able to learn those skills in childhood through trial and error, making mistakes, and navigating challenges. The more we suppress our children’s natural desire to assert their autonomy the less likely they’ll learn resilience.

3)      It helps keep our kids safe. This is perhaps the biggest reason that children need to practice asserting themselves. Not every adult they come in contact with (or child) will be a safe person. Unfortunately, we cannot protect our kids every second of the day, so they must be equipped with the skills they need to protect themselves. Many times, when a child is asserting themselves, they are working off instinct. Something feels “off.” And while we may need to enforce a particular rule within our home, we can still encourage that innate feeling within them and let them know that they are safe to express those feelings, and not to ignore them. With practice, this can be an extremely beneficial skill in tricky situations where another person seems unsafe or strange, and your child will be much more likely to assert themselves, set a boundary, and say “no”.

This article will be featured in the November 2024 edition of Lake Tapps Living and Bonney Lake Neighbors.